The Cord That Binds
by Foul Fountain of Flies
Summary: In which breaking-up is only the beginning and a teacher's duties are forces that repair a broken past. KakaIru.
1. Chapter 1

The Cord That Binds

Disclaimer: Standard D's apply.

Summary: As their joint responsibility over Team Seven comes to the fore, the secret past they once shared gradually unearths itself. KakaIru.

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Prologue

Against the last of the sunset, two figures emerged as shadows. The distorted image they cast on the ground was still, stretching like the scene that fell back behind them; the vast lands of Konohagure. Overhead, the sky was smudged with occasional orange streaks. Moving gradually, the clouds in it transformed to many shapes as one by one they began to resemble distinct animals, things, and even human beings. Down below lights had started flickering in dots, a terrestrial kingdom of stars. The approaching darkness spread itself out, first in blue, then in purple, then finally in black.

"Will we be able to talk, still?" one of the figures asked.

"I don't suppose chances will allow. I reckon I'll be too busy for anything social onward. It wouldn't be wise to expect that I can still speak with anyone." replied the other one, the taller of the two.

"I see."

"Being an Anbu member is a demanding chore. The chances of having room for private relationships are practically slim to none."

"I understand."

"It's really better this way. For both of us."

"Yeah."

Silence loomed between them like a lingering taboo, always a presence better unacknowledged. The darkness had deepened and soon it would be time to scuttle back to the quarters. As their eyes skimmed the surrounding, they knew that time had worn itself out.

"Well... so I guess we're good?"

"Yeah, I guess." responded the shorter figure, his words not half enough to describe what he was feeling.

"Goodbye then, Iruka."

"Goodbye, Kakashi."

Saying goodbye was not the idea Umino Iruka woke up with that morning, neither was it something he anticipated saying in the next few years of his life. Furthermore, he had never said goodbye to anyone before this, at least not to someone who had been more than a friend. A swift thought occurred to him not to give a response, but soon as it hatched he realized that not saying anything could mean an entirely different thing in itself. It could be confusing; it could get misunderstood. So he settled with goodbye. But when he uttered the word he did so in the same tone he'd drop a 'hello', a 'good morning', or a 'congratulations' to a friend. At thirteen, there was very little the word 'Goodbye' could have meant to him.

He then watched Hatake Kakashi's retreating figure lope away until it was swallowed by the blanket of darkness that now gained over the landscape. The leaves began moving at the command of forces unseen. Perhaps the same force swirled them away to opposite directions; more likely yet, not. Iruka knew it wasn't nature that pulled them apart; it was something much bigger that did it, lest he was looking from the wrong frame of reference.

In the years to come Umino Iruka would mull over the event without placing the blame on either party. Once in a while he and Kakashi would meet at chance encounters, during breaktime or other, and nod meaninglessly. Neither received more than a "hello" from one another since then, and their steps would echo far more loudly than the words they'd exchange between themselves.

Frequently enough, out of the blue, recollections would strike at Iruka. Like anything worth remembering, the scene from years ago would improvise itself, add touches of drama and elements to itself so that it would appear more interesting. For instance, he would imagine an embrace, tears falling, apologies and such, and he would squelch the urge to cry by slapping himself. But lies paled in contrast to reality and the truth is that Kakashi had joined the legion of excellent men, bound to rise endlessly in status, and that he, Umino Iruka, was a man of simpler goals, habits, and abilities.

He was fated to be left behind. It was all part of natural progression.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

"Team Seven?"

"Yes, that's the one." The Third Hokage took one drag and exhaled a fume of white into the air where it sidled up and broke into particles.

"Who's Team Seven?"

"Basically Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura."

Kakashi waited but the older man only continued sucking in his pipe as though the very air he breathed out would answer the question. Kakashi frowned and knowing that the Third Hokage wasn't intent on backing up his information, said,

"What else should I know about them?"

"Are you really asking me that, Sharingan-Kakashi?" the old man said and there was a frayed look swimming in his eyes, the kind he gave his former students when they were about to be reproached. It was also, invariably, a signal of disappointment.

"Well, it does beg the question. I've got to have a niche, haven't I? How can I teach these kids anything if I don't know their needs?"

A sigh. The Hokage was quiet. Time stretched forward, wasting away in nothing. Silence could only take up so much time.

"Umino Iruka." the old man muttered.

"Pardon?" Kakashi almost jumped at the mention of the name. Whenever he thought of that name, if he thought of it at all, he always felt a faint jerk on his nape.

"Umino Iruka was their primary teacher. If you're bent on finding more about them, he's the person to call on."

"I see." Kakashi mumbled quietly.

"See what?" the Hokage was stern all of a sudden. "See him if you have to. As for those kids, they need all the help they can get."

"Alright, sir. In good time."

In a few minutes he became lost in thought. Previous circumstances hadn't landed him in the same picture as Iruka and his imagination had only limited itself within acquaintances with whom he was on speaking terms.

He drew a long breath. Part of him was incredulous, the other just disturbed. The episode from over a decade ago was ever fresh in his mind. The words stuck with him in perfect sync as they started gaining personalities and features, becoming faces like the ones you want to forget and expel from your safe little world. Along with this, he had always remembered Iruka's glance that time. It was a look that betrayed nothing; not pain, not disappointment, definitely not blame. And for that, it deserved more caution.

At first, Kakashi expected Iruka to lash out at him, lay all the blame on his side, and demand retribution. One could never exclude that possibility where separation is concerned. But Iruka would remain calm as they passed each other on the street and leave Kakashi to wonder whether the Chuunin was storing up his anger in order to someday satisfy his conscience. At times Kakashi was even prepared to pay the price. When years passed and Iruka made no effort toward anything, Kakashi learned to be at ease and to give up on the notion ultimately. He and Iruka, whatever they had before, were reduced to rubbles. Words no longer existed between them; they were like a pair of parentheses with nothing in between, nothing to be brought up anymore.

Now confronted with this dilemma, Kakashi was bothered for the first time in twelve years. He could feel the closet unlatching, the hands of that dusty skeleton thrusting out, reaching for him, and Iruka's face sneering as though it was really there, and in a way it was. He didn't dare look it squarely in the eyes, afraid that he couldn't do it without getting hurt, but as reality became more vivid, so did his path ahead. Reality left him no choice.

Once decided, he stood up to leave his apartment. Outside, the world was beating with a multitude of lives. He would mete out his sentence and walk up to Iruka. After all, this shouldn't be about them, not anymore, but about Team Seven. For the sake of those kids everything within my power should be exerted, he told himself. And for the hand that struck the match to start the fire and extinguish it, this was the best it could do, his penance to the past.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

There are pupils who are intelligent without trying. There are those who only achieve brilliance by hard work. There are those who couldn't achieve it by either. Then there's Uzumaki Naruto: the kind that never falls under the bracket.

"What's it like getting sent on missions, Iruka-sensei? Is it true that ninja can die in action? What happens when I don't pass my genin exams? What do you think is the best age to be a Chuunin? Will I ever be Hokage? Can I surpass the Third Hokage? Will you still eat ramen with me at Ayame's when I'm Hokage? Can I learn Class A jutsus just by looking at the scrolls?"

Umino Iruka gave the blond boy a mild smile. Today, he had specifically gone out of his way to talk the young ninja into an extended tutoring period. Seeing as Naruto was way behind in classroom performance, Iruka had taken it upon himself to assist the boy every step of the way. He regretted none of this and one can even say that he took an odd pleasure in having to coach Naruto in long unpaid stretches. Sometimes he wondered if he was doing this for charity or self-centered leisure, but at the end of the day he'd be reassured that whichever it was, it was certainly symbiotic. There were lessons to be learned in this.

"All those can be fulfilled so long as you work hard." he told the boy and sighed. Come next week, Naruto would be out of his hands. Free, so to speak, to face a far more brazen world. When that happened, another part of his life was sure to crack, slip away, and leave in its stead a gap. The mere thought of it depressed him.

"But if I work hard and they--"

A sudden tap on the door interrupted the student and his teacher. Without follow-up, it blew open, hinges threatening to all apart, as a white-haired man with a mask on unceremoniously conducted himself. Naruto squinted at the man, sizing him up in the same way he'd study an opponent on guard. For his part, the man glanced at Naruto as though it just re-lit something inside him. It was hard to tell who betrayed more curiosity.

"Kakashi. What surprise." Iruka managed to say. His voice was almost a pipe.

"Greetings, Iruka." Kakashi said, which was as pleasant a hello as he was likely to impart. Feeling Iruka's name on his tongue gave him a weird sensation; he hadn't said the name in a while. "I'd like to talk to you in private, if you don't mind."

Iruka stared at him as if to question the entire reason behind his unannounced presence, but with only the latter's one eye exposed, the answer stood too uncertain, too far gone.

"No, I don't." Iruka said at length and with an apologetic smile at Naruto, said, "Will you give us a minute?"

Soon as Naruto was out of the picture Kakashi pulled a chair across Iruka's desk and nestled himself in it. "I should've warned you that this may take a while; that student of yours may not take kindly to waiting."

"No worries. He's a bit intolerant to idleness; he'll leave once he realizes he wouldn't be needed anytime soon."

"Very well, then. I meant to go with this with as little inconvenience to you as possible."

"And the nature of your rare visit is?"

"A few questions on some students you handled."

Iruka eyed Kakashi steadily. Something in his glance told a bit too much about his protectiveness toward his students, and it reminded Kakashi of Iruka as a child who had needed the same kind of protection, whose eyes hungered for the same affection.

"Don't take this as an intrusion, Iruka. If anything, this should be standard procedure. Let me explain," Kakashi let out a long breath. "It appears that the Third Hokage has assigned me to take over Team Seven's education from here on out. I am advised, as a preparation for said change, to review the members of this group. The Hokage trusts that you give me helpful information on the following students: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto."

"Yes, I understand now." Iruka's frown dissolved from his face. "Actually, that boy just now is Uzumaki Naruto."

"I see. He looks like trouble."

"He could be. He looks like your sensei, too."

"I've noticed." Kakashi agreed. "So he's the keeper of the Nine-tailed Fox? Interesting."

At this Iruka made an unmistakable shrug. It was clearly not the remark he wanted to hear and his face now assumed a sullen expression. "I would appreciate it if word doesn't get out. Naruto is at a very vulnerable stage and anything anyone tells him might matter."

"Hmm. Cozying up to your students, aren't we, Iruka?"

But the Chuunin wasn't in the mood. "I do it out of genuine regard, Kakashi. Don't criticize my ways until you get to see for yourself what my students are made of." Iruka's tone had a hostile ring to it and all of a sudden he could feel the words he was about to let go, and they hung suspended between him and Kakashi like sharp objects they could fling at each other once the light turned green. It reminded Iruka so much of the times they had an argument.

"I'm sure they're of a fine constitution." Kakashi ventured as if to soothe the offended teacher. Back then, he was never the pacifist; in fact, he'd always sourced out those fights, petty or serious.

Iruka chose to ignore the snide and said, "Why don't you start stating your purpose clearly?"

"May I look at the files of those three? I'm pretty sure you've kept..." Kakashi's voice trailed. He was about to say he was sure Iruka kept records of his own observations, a habit he could not be relieved of as a young boy. Kakashi was surprised at how the thoughts came to him with epic ease, as though he was remembering it only from yesterday. Silence ensued, a silence that said more than words. At times like this, their past screamed more alive than ever.

Iruka, however, seemed to have turned a deaf ear to Kakashi's blunder. In a matter of seconds he was rummaging through his file cabinet and fishing out folders from the neat stacks inside each drawer. The morning outside was spotless and the floor in Iruka's classroom was washed in shafts of sunlight seeping through the glazed windows. They could be having breakfast together at this time; instead, they were failing to adjust to one another's moods, an awkwardness enlarging in the space between them like the years they had to spend without one another. Iruka shuffled to his feet, documents scooped in both arms, and moved toward Kakashi.

"Here are their official records; written and practical exams, my feedbacks, some journals on their development and such others you may find use for someday." Iruka held out the papers.

"Thanks, Iruka."

"I have a request, Kakashi." Iruka said just as Kakashi was gearing toward the exit. "Would you mind watching over them this time?"

"Sure I'd do that. In return to the courtesy of providing me with these." Kakashi assured Iruka. He could see the rise and ebb in the Chuunin's chest and what was inside seemed to threaten to burst.

"That's not what I meant." Iruka absorbed the dense air around him, fidgeting between one breath and the next. "I want to be certain that Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura are left in good hands. Right now that's the best I could do for them. You... you shouldn't abandon them."

Kakashi's turn to be speechless came. He could sense the tension roosting between them now, as solid as the ground they stood on. Words that should've been there were stifled in his throat, dying without a fight. With perfect knowledge, in a snap, he knew right away what he was getting into: to be reminded. He stood there, muscles going limp, looking like he barely sustained a blow. He couldn't say what hurt more: Iruka accusing him of abandoning him or Iruka mistrusting his ways. Between the blunt lines, Kakashi understood he was being dismissed as a failure. Failure as a lover and potentially a failure as a teacher. It made him wince.

"Don't let your mind run away with your faulty intuitions; I'd never have thought of abandoning anyone." he retorted a little more vehemently than he intended. Then again, what end could he expect from this grudge match? He had wanted peace all these years, had looked for it, failed more times than he could count, and begun just as many times. To find peace where there was none so far was his greatest adversary. Iruka, the mere thought of him, made sure of that.

"I only wish you never will." Iruka said. His eyes glimmered. "Anymore."


	4. Chapter 4

On a field of green and untainted wildlife, below a clear acre of heaven and a few brushes of clouds, three people—or perhaps they were just kids—lined up sideways, separated only by a couple of inconsequential meters. Their arms were spread in front of them, the same direction their eyes were darting toward, and their legs were bent in a 45-degree angle. A piece of rock the size of a watermelon was piled on each of their heads, which caused a continuous downward tug and if one zooms in closely, he would notice a tick or two plaguing the areas where their muscles should be. The expression on their faces was mingled; exhaustion, frustration, annoyance, and even surrender all crammed into one tight knot that gave the sight a vague overall result. In their heads, their newly appointed teacher's words reverberated like an unforgettable song: The closer your upper bodies are to the ground, the longer your endurance meter gets. Each guessed the song must have been a really horrible tune.

"Kuso." Uzumaki Naruto muttered under his breath. There was sweat dripping all over his face that for some reason makes one think it didn't have anything to do with the weather. "How long is that geezer making us stay this way?"

"Not after our bones give way, I hope." Uchiha Sasuke replied rather blankly. For someone who'd been straining his joints for some time now, his voice was too steady.

"I could make do with a fracture or two. Beyond that, I'd be demanding compensation." Naruto declared.

"Argh. Don't say things like that. It's bad enough that the closest I got to training was walking from home to the academy and back." And Haruno Sakura let out something between a groan and a pipe. "Besides, I really need to pee."

"And I sure as hell could use a wonderful warm meal here!" Naruto added.

"I want water," was all Sasuke could contribute.

"Naruto, don't straighten up! If he caught you he's going to add another 30 minutes!" Sakura scolded.

"But Sakura-chan," Naruto's voice was suddenly mellow, like a pet induced to softness after the master's hard blows. "I really need to get myself a hot bowl of—"

"Don't drag us into your own trouble, baka. Stay still for just once." Sasuke said.

"You're the baka. And I thought sensei told us to keep our eyes ahead?" Naruto retorted and without thinking of how he'd phrase his next line, went on, "Stop checking me out, okay? Baka."

Sasuke didn't say anything but rolled his eyes as though it was enough to indicate that he was in no mood for such pointless conversation, if it could be called one. It was Sakura who picked it up for him.

"It's Sasuke-chan's business to know if he's getting punished for your fault," she interrupted. "And me too. You already earned us one hour's worth of this... torture."

"Sakura-chan, why are you always siding with this jer—"

"So, how are we keeping up?" A voice that didn't belong to all of them sounded from behind. At this, they self-consciously began working on holding themselves even steadier than before.

Hatake Kakashi briskly positioned himself where they could see him in full view, head to toe, from one tip of the shoulder to the other. Having done this, he began running his good eye over his students as if to check if they'd gone one inch out of their zone. If they did, it was supposed to merit them an extension. He sighed and if he noticed anything, aside from the swift process of evaporation of the sweat on their exposed skin, he didn't bring it up. He then strode over them, invading the sudden silence to which these three children had now fallen prey.

"I now give you permission to speak." He said.

"I was just about to say you're a jerk, Sasuke." Naruto offered soon as Kakashi stopped.

"I didn't mean 'to one another'; I meant 'to me'." Kakashi replied. There was a stress on the last phrase that was hard to miss.

"Oh. Well," Naruto stammered and gave it a short thought, "I was just about to tell Sasuke here before you arrived, Kakashi-sensei, that he is a jerk."

Kakashi laughed. "Okay, that seemed to break the ice." He said and they could tell that he was smiling beneath that black mask. Somehow, they had Naruto's good mind to thank for it. "But what I actually want you to do is discuss with me whatever it is that's not clear regarding this exercise. Pretend that this is a teacher-student interaction where you ask me questions and I answer as best as I can."

"You mean in this position? Aren't you going to ask us to sit down or something? That's how we used to do it with Iruka-sensei." Naruto was making no effort to hide his disappointment.

Kakashi's temples seemed to swell and for a split second, there was an arrested look on his face. At times like this, he was always aware of the convenience of putting on a mask. "I'm afraid so. But let's not make comparisons, shall we? This is my way and that's his way." He attempted a brief explanation but doubted if it was bound to take on any long-term effect. With students like Naruto, it was sure to take more than a good deal of physical modes of discipline. "So, why don't we give it a go?"

"Uh… What did I do to deserve this?" It was Naruto again. This time, he went for the dramatic way, replete with a distressed frown.

"I don't know…" there was an uncertain ring to Kakashi's voice that came with a long exhalation. "Maybe it has something to do with fact that you want to be a ninja? And a good one for that matter? Or maybe you can sit on it awhile, you know, think a little—minimal thinking would be enough, I suppose—and ask yourself why you chose to be part of this program. Or maybe it's as simple as because you're my students. Made up your mind? Maybe it's all of the above, who knows." As he finished, the irony in his tone was consummate.

"Okay, but why do we have to do all sorts of boring and back-breaking stuff for looong periods? Can't we just do it one minute at a time and go back home?"

"Maybe because I find it necessary to test your psychological and physical tolerance for pain? And maybe because, like any ninja in Konoha, I didn't finish my studies all in one jump. The same goes for all of you." Kakashi said as trickle by trickle, his patience ran out on him.

"Yeah, point taken, but-"

"How long till we get sent on missions?" Uchiha Sasuke cut Naruto.

"That was next my question. Quit stealing my ideas, jerk!" Naruto snapped in genuine anger.

"That's enough, Naruto." Kakashi glared at Naruto's side, silencing the boy in an instant. "To answer your question, Sasuke, you won't be eligible for real missions until proper training procedures have been carried over. It usually takes two to three months, depending on the team potential. But I suggest that you bid your time until you're ready. Most students are rash and would seek adventures on their own. That's inadvisable, not to mention prohibited."

"Take that, Uchiha. I bet you've been thinking of sneaking away to get yourself killed. Well, I'm right. And I recommend you take up Jerkology 101, by the way,"

"Naruto, if you go on like that I'm sure my jutsu would do something about that mouth." Kakashi warned him and Naruto scowled. "Anymore questions?"

"Will a higher-ranked shinobi accompany us in these missions, if ever?" Sakura ventured.

"Yes and no. It depends on what type class the job falls under. Since for your age and experience class D and below are ideal, you wouldn't be needing officers. But for Class C and above, which are assigned to you on rare occasions, it's wise to have an established ninja to back you up. Is that all?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sempai."

"Okay then, you can stand up and stretch. You guys are a sight for sore eyes. Whew." kakashi said, sounding like he was the last person to blame for their suffering.

Slowly and carefully, the three young shinobi liberated themselves from the pit of their long labor. They started feeling their muscles in places, heard several joints cracking in relief, and didn't have to grope further to find that their stamina had dropped down to zero, their endurance for pain conversely filled to the capacity. At the end of it all they couldn't help but smile, partially with pride, partially in irritation. By this time late afternoon had settled as more and more the sun bulged and sunk toward the horizon, where it stepped gradually aside for the twilight. The breeze was suddenly silent, punctuated only by rustles produced by some animals' movements. It bespoke of a cold night.

"Okay kids, who's in for a round of ramen?" Kakashi said a lot more cheerfully this time. "I see you deserve some treat at least."

"Me! Count me in! Me! Me! Me!"

"Okay, Naruto, I hear you." Kakashi turned to the other two. "Sasuke? Sakura? I can't imagine anyone passing this on."

"There's something I have to do." Sasuke answered, at which Naruto celebrated by letting out a long-drawn hoot.

"I'll walk Sasuke home," was Sakura's excuse, at which Naruto's shoulders and features fell.

"Well, if that's the case I guess Naruto and I shall enjoy a private evening." Kakashi gave them a warm smile, sealing Naruto's fate for evening, at which the boy fell altogether to his knees. "Goodnight to you."

Alone with Naruto, Kakashi caught himself eying the boy with skepticism. "I have a feeling you're planning on eating for three tonight. I wonder why."

"It's only fair, Kakashi-sensei. I'll take care of Sakura-chan's and Sasuke's share."

"Oh boy. Looks like I'm better off putting you away somewhere." Kakashi shook his head. Then,

"I just remembered, sensei," Naruto said pensively. "I promised Iruka-sensei that I'll have dinner with him after my first day of training. He'd be wanting to hear all about it, I'm sure."

"Indeed?" Kakashi said, his right eyebrow raised. "Are you sure it's not tomorrow? Or the day after that?"

"I'm sure he said and I agreed that we'd meet during my first day, so it would have to be now and no other. I hope you don't mind. It's pretty late to be upsetting plans, you know. "

"Yeah, that sounds convincing, Naruto…" Kakashi now stared at Naruto with concentration as though to look for indication--just one faint sign--that he was joking, spitefully, that he didn't mean it.

"It could be a good thing for you since he promised to pay for my orders. So maybe you two can split the bills. It's good, right?"

But kakashi had stopped absorbing whatever words were steered toward him. He stood rooted on the ground, frozen, lest something sharp pierced through the thickness that now wrapped itself about him. The last time he had dinner with Iruka had been numbered in years, leave aside the fact that those years could boast of far weightier significance. If he left room for such memories, he did so grudgingly, because he had no other choice. Otherwise, he kept anything in relation to the Chuunin at a distance where his thoughts had no tendency to wander toward. It was his only sanctuary against guilt, nostalgia, and whatever it really was that kept him awake and apprehensive at the mention of that person's name.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Somewhere far away, Naruto's pitch hit tiptop.

"Yes?"

"Let's get going."

"Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

As Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka dragged the very full and semi-conscious Uzumaki Naruto along the moist dirt road of Konoha, the Chuunin wondered if there was a functioning, unspoken pact of silence between him and the Jounin. A little earlier all three of them had sat down to dinner at the behest of Naruto who had so unwittingly arranged for the occasion. In those days it wasn't strange to see variously ranked shin-obi eating together on a social call, but since this was a special case, none could have vouched for the entire oddity involved therein.

To say the least, the meeting had been as awkward as one would expect. Naruto had literally done all the talking which for the most part included exaggerated complaints about Kakashi's alleged dedication to fascism and passion for hard labor. And just when both teachers thought he was done fuming over his 'horrid' experience for the day, he'd lunge back for more. This had caused Iruka to frown time and again over his soup bowl and each time it seemed he was about to confront the Jounin on the matter, he would smile faintly and go back to his meal. Having run its course, the dinner ended at nearly ten in the evening, by which time Naruto had already started yawning and in a few minutes slumping to his side, a total doze case. Kakashi and Iruka wordlessly shoveled him off the ground, each on either arm of the child, and opted to bring him home this way.

"I suppose this wasn't part of your plan." When Kakashi spoke, the neighborhood seemed to have already followed Naruto's suit. Only the street lights were on, and the silence was characterized by such nocturnal attributes. "I daresay we have a conniving little runt here."

"I made him promise to tell me all about his first-day-of-training experience. For some reason it had to coincide with your treat." Iruka replied and realized simultaneously that this was going to be a rather rocky road for a conversation. Alongside this, Naruto's far from docile body was slowing down their progress.

They let a period of silence pass. Iruka could feel the temperature dropping with rapid ease. He adjusted his position, trying and finally managing to pull the sleeves of his shirt so that they rolled down closer to his wrists. He did the same for Naruto's benefit as he balanced the boy in one arm. Next to them, Kakashi shrugged a little. Perhaps the Jounin viewed this as a pathetic indulgence, perhaps not. Whatever it was, Iruka took note of him with instinct, rather than sight; anyway the moonlight was too pale to make anything out in detail.

"You dote on him too much. He whines at the slightest trial. And he's an awful spoil case." Kakashi said after a while.

"Thanks. Any more compliments you want to add?" Iruka rejoined.

"Oh, and he's got a developing attitude toward Uchiha Sasuke. Any idea where it could have originated?"

"Plenty."

"Seems to me it's your classroom."

"Great. So now I'm an awful teacher." Iruka said. "Anyway, if you're planning to act like a jerk all throughout this conversation I might as well take Naruto on my own."

"On the contrary, I find this timing convenient. Since we don't have a clue what each other thinks with regard to how these students should be handled, maybe we can chip in some of our thoughts and piece them together."

Iruka caught himself trapped and began hesitating. Once again he had felt the sharp stab of recollection in his chest. If Kakashi meant to maintain this behavior, it was only a sour drop in the sea of unspoken and bitter feud between them. It had remained suspended for far too long now not to have been concluded or expressed at any point in time. In the long term, both ninja would only stand for several accusations before defending themselves in any manner they found available. And Iruka, who knew he had to stop before he got too carried away, understood that the children's welfare was their top priority.

"And just now I thought I gave you a rather negative impression. And what about the files I relinquished to your care a few days ago? Surely, they're supposed to give you something?" he said and he raised his eyebrows as though Kakashi was deliberately causing him delay. Then again, that was about all he could do when annoyance was about to take the better of him.

"I'm open to alternative opinions. As for the files, I find few, if none at all, that are of any value."

"If your message is to illustrate my incapacity you have outdone yourself, Kakashi."

"I meant that the files might have been useful to you, in your context, where everyone doesn't have to be in real action. But not quite for me; I should've thought about it before." Kakashi mumbled in a lowered tone. He had slightly shifted his position to better accommodate Naruto's weight, frowning perhaps at the thought of the triviality of an added presence. Nonetheless, it was good that he was asleep and wouldn't have to hear the sequence of harsh words he and Iruka were now trading between themselves.

"Yes, well, I get what you mean. Basically it's just that the difference between what you're doing and what you think is the tedium of what I do inside the classroom is comparable to a before-and-after advertisement. No worries, I'll let you take over soon as I have my resignation papers signed. And while you're at it, please make sure that they risk their lives in their daily training routine." Iruka had wanted to add 'asshole' but thought better of it some time between tightening his clasp on Naruto and balling his free fist.

As if on cue, the breeze had picked up its tempo as it started fanning against the space. It blew in such a way that it seemed to produce music. And long before that Iruka and Kakashi's words had crossed the formal limits of their professional relationship as colleagues--like a music of discord. Even in the partial darkness, through Kakashi's pretentious mask, Iruka saw the Jounin's brows furrow and fold the little flesh between them whereby he absentmindedly began scratching the other side of his arm. Iruka remembered that Kakashi used to do this when he was a little stumped up for what to say.

"Alright now, Iruka. I didn't endorse this so we could criticize each other."

"Funny I had the feeling you did. And here I am riding it." Iruka sneered, sarcasm in full throttle.

"I believe what I said in the beginning is that it's in the students' best interest to have us deliberate their needs."

"If you say so." Iruka answered but didn't trouble himself with appearing convinced. "So, I assume Naruto here is the problem child?"

"His attention span is deplorable. Care to tune me up on that one?"

"I can't believe someone like you would be bothered to this extent. But at any rate, there are those kids you have to have patience to be around with, and Naruto is one of those. Kurenai-san's Kiba doesn't fall short of it as well, and so do Asuma-san's Chouji and Shikamaru. When it comes down to it, Naruto more than anyone needs all the attention and care he can get. He's an orphan and you know how orphans are…"

Iruka's words faltered. He had touched on the common ground and somehow the bleak prospect of further steering this conversation toward where it should be proved too much. Twelve years ago, it was his and Kakashi's loneliness that pulled them together, the same loneliness, as it happened, that was now poisoning the snoozing child between them. His eyes never leaving Naruto's face for a second, Iruka felt more reminded than ever. Quickly but painstakingly, he wrenched himself away from these thoughts.

"Naruto is a wide-open book with an awful lot of surprises. Sometimes you know him through and through; most times you don't. He has a very good heart there somewhere, Kakashi." Iruka proceeded. "He just hides it whenever Uchiha Sasuke is around," he then chuckled.

Kakashi, too, laughed as if it sufficed. Up ahead, Naruto's quarters grew bigger in their sight.

"This is where he lives? Alone?" Kakashi asked Iruka in mild surprise.

Iruka nodded, a qualified affirmative. "You'll get what I mean better once you get to know him. This is only part of his being different."

They walked toward the building, docking the boy on the small porch where they paused for a little while. Iruka yanked the door open and inside, they were greeted by a clutter which even the darkness couldn't conceal. Gently and with caution, they laid Naruto on single mattress that had obviously seen better days.

"You must have worn him out." Iruka said once they were outside.

"I didn't say my training was going to be a walk in the park." Kakashi said and turned his attention to his surrounding. "It's gotten really late. Come on, I'll walk you home."

Iruka opened his mouth in protest but Kakashi, for all intents and purposes, had now swung to the direction where Iruka's apartment led to. They walked but retained a considerable distance between them. Upon reaching the third corner they spotted a lit unit, the only one in the neighborhood that hinted of still being alive. They stopped in front of it.

"I'll be right here. Thanks, Kakashi."

"Don't mention it."

"Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, Iruka."

Before Kakashi could turn around, a young woman appeared from behind the door. While not altogether striking, she was pretty and had a good figure. She smiled when she saw Iruka and glanced at Kakashi as if trying to remember if she'd met him before. Opposite her, Kakashi's calm expression was replaced with a mildly questioning stare.

"Mizumi, this is one of my co-teachers. Hatake Kakashi." Iruka said.

The woman stepped forward and extended a hand to Kakashi. "Takago Mizumi. I'm Iruka's fiancée. It's nice to meet you." her voice was sweet but there was something in it that Kakashi didn't find warm. At least, not as warm as Iruka found it for sure. He took the hand, tried to smile back casually in order to look more normal but the closer the woman got, the tenser he felt inside.

"Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?" she offered.

"I'll have to decline, but thanks anyway." Kakashi muttered. He didn't say anything more to Iruka then but he didn't need to either.

Kakashi heard the door shut behind him. He stayed for a short time under the light that was coming from the apartment's window, his only refuge from the darkness, and he bathe in it with a renewed feeling of solitude. Beyond the walls that separated him from the couple, he could catch snatches of the tender and loving words passing from one lips to another, Iruka's and Mizumi's. For all Kakashi knew, those lips were now grinding on one another. To be in love and committed, he wondered if that's all it takes to run away from and never be found by a lonely past. That remained to be seen. As for Iruka and the circumstances under which the Chuunin now lived, Kakashi could only imagine.

He slowly spun his way toward the next street, choosing to tread on grounds where there was a high concentration of moonlight. He gazed at the stars with focus as though afraid they would vanish so quickly. In real life, lights flicker and die when they glow too much.

"I don't love him." Kakashi whispered in the dark. "Not anymore."

So what if Iruka was going to get married? He was going to be married and that's all that was going to be to that. Married. To another person. A person Kakashi had never before seen. And she was empty. She had no thoughts or memories of Iruka like the ones Kakashi had. At this point, the memories in Kakashi's head were unremitting, and the spaces he used to count on for quietude were filled. What was it that he felt when he heard the word 'fiancée'? What did he see? What did _he_ see? Once upon a happier time (and what a short time that was!), he and Iruka dreamt of the stars, and the sun, and fields of gold that lasted through eternity. Forever. Does forever end when someone gets married? Can't you dream of forever when all the time you have is here and now? They played, they laughed, they ran and got lost and found each other within the limits of time. Time slipped through their hands, and found tomorrow theirs again. No matter where Iruka ran, whether it was away from or toward Kakashi, it was all the same; he found him. Love was their only compass. Did _she_ have her own compass? Could she find Iruka after he ran and laughed and hid and masked himself in the shadows the same way Kakashi found him back then? Could _she_?

Kakashi felt tired. Thinking had done him. Thinking of these memories only brought him closer to the breaking point.

"I don't love him. I probably never did." he repeated to himself, willing himself to believe it.

But does not believing something stop it from being real?


End file.
